On the shop floor, a few shoppers mill around selecting bananas and apples and lychees for their shopping baskets. I hang around by the avocadoes, occasionally consulting the clipboard. A man in supermarket uniform approaches. A very big man. The name badge pinned to his chest is higher than my eye line. ‘DENIS’ is printed on the badge. I cannot see his face from this close, as the angle of my neck is cutting off the circulation to my brain and making me dizzy. I consult the clipboard.
Hello, Denis. My name is _____; I’ll be supervising your first day. Have you had your induction?
Rumble rumble video rumble rumble clock in rumble, he says.
Denis’ voice is so low it doesn’t appear to travel through the air; rather it is transmitted by vibrations that travel through the ground to my feet and up to my ears. It makes my eyes shake.
Right. Let’s start in the storeroom.
I take Denis to the storeroom and show him where the trolleys are kept. I point out the tower of bananas, the tower of apples and the tower of peaches. I show him where the ladder is kept for fetching crates from the tops of the towers. Denis laughs, a slow grinding laugh, and goes back to the tower of peaches. Denis doesn’t need the ladder.
I put a tick next to the section marked ‘INITIATIVE’.
On the shop floor, Denis starts replenishing the peach display. His hands are large and clumsy and he keeps dropping the peaches. I wince with every peach that falls to the floor.
Rumble rumble sorry.
That’s okay.
Rumble rumble fuzzy.
Right.
Hur hur hur.
Denis drops another peach. I put a cross next to the section marked ‘PRODUCE HANDLING’.
The Turtle sidles around the corner, and watches with her arms folded from a distance of 8 metres. She shakes her head with every error that Denis makes, and then looks at me and mimes a whipping action.
I look at the cudgel dangling from my wrist.
The Turtle jerks her head towards the monumental Denis and makes the whipping action again.
I take the cudgel in my hand and look up at Denis. Denis continues to replenish, oblivious of the Turtle.
I look at the Turtle. She nods encouragingly.
I take aim at a well-padded area, and bring the cudgel down with little force.
Thwack.
The Turtle nods approvingly and moves away. Denis continues working.
I feel ashamed. I slip the cudgel back over my wrist and put ticks against 80% of the other sections on the checklist.
Rumble rumble finished.
Denis steps back from the display with his hands on his hips, looking admiringly at his work.
Well done, I say to his name badge, let’s move on to bananas.
Hello, Denis. My name is _____; I’ll be supervising your first day. Have you had your induction?
Rumble rumble video rumble rumble clock in rumble, he says.
Denis’ voice is so low it doesn’t appear to travel through the air; rather it is transmitted by vibrations that travel through the ground to my feet and up to my ears. It makes my eyes shake.
Right. Let’s start in the storeroom.
I take Denis to the storeroom and show him where the trolleys are kept. I point out the tower of bananas, the tower of apples and the tower of peaches. I show him where the ladder is kept for fetching crates from the tops of the towers. Denis laughs, a slow grinding laugh, and goes back to the tower of peaches. Denis doesn’t need the ladder.
I put a tick next to the section marked ‘INITIATIVE’.
On the shop floor, Denis starts replenishing the peach display. His hands are large and clumsy and he keeps dropping the peaches. I wince with every peach that falls to the floor.
Rumble rumble sorry.
That’s okay.
Rumble rumble fuzzy.
Right.
Hur hur hur.
Denis drops another peach. I put a cross next to the section marked ‘PRODUCE HANDLING’.
The Turtle sidles around the corner, and watches with her arms folded from a distance of 8 metres. She shakes her head with every error that Denis makes, and then looks at me and mimes a whipping action.
I look at the cudgel dangling from my wrist.
The Turtle jerks her head towards the monumental Denis and makes the whipping action again.
I take the cudgel in my hand and look up at Denis. Denis continues to replenish, oblivious of the Turtle.
I look at the Turtle. She nods encouragingly.
I take aim at a well-padded area, and bring the cudgel down with little force.
Thwack.
The Turtle nods approvingly and moves away. Denis continues working.
I feel ashamed. I slip the cudgel back over my wrist and put ticks against 80% of the other sections on the checklist.
Rumble rumble finished.
Denis steps back from the display with his hands on his hips, looking admiringly at his work.
Well done, I say to his name badge, let’s move on to bananas.
Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean.
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