On the shop floor, Emily meets all the requirements of the checklist. Even if she hadn’t, I would have ticked 94% of the boxes by now anyway. Produce handling, produce polishing, produce stacking and so forth; all good solid ticks for each category. I am happy with the new replenishment assistants so far, especially Emily.
What’s that for? she says, pointing to the cudgel dangling from my wrist.
This? I look at the cudgel.
It looks like a club or something. What do you need a club for?
It’s a, umm –
Are you the security guard as well? She begins to laugh.
Or do you use it to keep the staff in line? Give us a good thrashing if we don’t do what we’re told, eh?
I glance guiltily at the cudgel swinging incriminatingly from my arm.
Actually, its fruit testing device, I say. You use it to test if the fruit is overripe, like this:
I tap a peach gently with the cudgel.
That one’s okay, I say.
Emily raises an eyebrow.
I concentrate on putting ticks in the remaining 6% of the boxes.
What’s that for? she says, pointing to the cudgel dangling from my wrist.
This? I look at the cudgel.
It looks like a club or something. What do you need a club for?
It’s a, umm –
Are you the security guard as well? She begins to laugh.
Or do you use it to keep the staff in line? Give us a good thrashing if we don’t do what we’re told, eh?
I glance guiltily at the cudgel swinging incriminatingly from my arm.
Actually, its fruit testing device, I say. You use it to test if the fruit is overripe, like this:
I tap a peach gently with the cudgel.
That one’s okay, I say.
Emily raises an eyebrow.
I concentrate on putting ticks in the remaining 6% of the boxes.
Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean.
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